No, surprisingly enough. Probably because neither of us are talking about it.
[. . . another shrug. . .]
But I'm not really sure what else to do. I don't want to date him. [VERY FIRM ON THAT] I just want him to realize people care about him and his stupid self no matter how despicable he thinks he is.
...Nick asked me something really interesting once. He...wanted to know if everyone would be revived after you guys left, even people who were dead before arriving. He wanted to give Akechi that opportunity, and even when I asked him if Akechi would want it, he was pretty firm about trying anyway.
But Akechi seemed to think Nick was just pitying him. [She has a lot of complicated feelings on that mess.] I wonder if he's really just afraid of bothering because nothing feels permanent. What else can you do except keep beating him over the head with that message?
[But. Hm.] Why do you care about him so much anyway? [Not judging, but she's curious.]
[he slumps a little against the wall, shoulders hunched, gaze turned downwards]
. . . all his life, he was alone. All his life, he had to deal with people being shitty to him. Being treated as though he was the scum of society just for being an orphan. And unlike me, he never had friends or a family to fall back on. When he fell. . . no one was there to catch him.
[. . .]
I never trusted him. I never let him in. If I had, maybe he wouldn't have died. Maybe I could've gotten through to him before he sacrificed himself for my sake.
Somewhere underneath that stupid, angry, and volatile exterior is a kid who has been beaten down by the very society I've fought so hard to change. I can't abandon him. I won't abandon him.
[She doesn't rush him, letting him think and sort out his thoughts as she listens patiently.]
I don't know if blaming yourself and thinking about maybes will help you, but I get why you're thinking about it. [She's thinking though.] ...do you feel like he's changed at all since you guys started working together here? Even a little bit?
[he thinks back to all of the fights he and Akechi have had since arriving here. he thinks back to Akechi's pettiness, and the way he pointed a gun at Akira when he thought Akira wasn't adhering to their deal]
[. . . and he thinks about how hard Akechi has worked to not only save himself, but everyone here. he thinks about those feelings of sorrow he felt over Mammon dying. he thinks about how he reacted to Phoenix dying, too. he thinks about those feelings he was able to feel on Akechi's end of their empathy connection way back during their third week here, and how Akechi not-so-subtly hinted that he turned down Phoenix's request so he could return home with Akira to turn himself in, and. . .]
[The flick gets a sound of surprise but she's grinning. Akira is one of the only people who can get away with this.]
If you say so. [She hums to herself then.] Human emotions are very complex, even when you pretend not to have them. It's hard to be non-confrontational when the person you're talking to takes everything as a confrontation anyway.
No, but Akechi doesn't really talk to me about personal things anyway. The last time we spoke it was to argue about if people pitied him or not. I think that's why I'm surprised.
It's frustrating. But if he actually put some thought into going back with you...maybe that's a good sign, too. I don't know, signs of affection are all a little...[She waves a hand as if she can't quite phrase it.] I think he probably understands you care, at least. Isn't that important?
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Okay, okay one thing at a time. Did it actually even work to calm him down?
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Yeah. It did.
That's the worst part.
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Well...that's a good thing to know. [She's considering this for a moment.] So...let me guess. Now things are awkward?
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No, surprisingly enough. Probably because neither of us are talking about it.
[. . . another shrug. . .]
But I'm not really sure what else to do. I don't want to date him. [VERY FIRM ON THAT] I just want him to realize people care about him and his stupid self no matter how despicable he thinks he is.
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...Nick asked me something really interesting once. He...wanted to know if everyone would be revived after you guys left, even people who were dead before arriving. He wanted to give Akechi that opportunity, and even when I asked him if Akechi would want it, he was pretty firm about trying anyway.
But Akechi seemed to think Nick was just pitying him. [She has a lot of complicated feelings on that mess.] I wonder if he's really just afraid of bothering because nothing feels permanent. What else can you do except keep beating him over the head with that message?
[But. Hm.] Why do you care about him so much anyway? [Not judging, but she's curious.]
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[. . .]
[and Akira doesn't have an immediate answer]
[he slumps a little against the wall, shoulders hunched, gaze turned downwards]
. . . all his life, he was alone. All his life, he had to deal with people being shitty to him. Being treated as though he was the scum of society just for being an orphan. And unlike me, he never had friends or a family to fall back on. When he fell. . . no one was there to catch him.
[. . .]
I never trusted him. I never let him in. If I had, maybe he wouldn't have died. Maybe I could've gotten through to him before he sacrificed himself for my sake.
Somewhere underneath that stupid, angry, and volatile exterior is a kid who has been beaten down by the very society I've fought so hard to change. I can't abandon him. I won't abandon him.
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I don't know if blaming yourself and thinking about maybes will help you, but I get why you're thinking about it. [She's thinking though.] ...do you feel like he's changed at all since you guys started working together here? Even a little bit?
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[he thinks back to all of the fights he and Akechi have had since arriving here. he thinks back to Akechi's pettiness, and the way he pointed a gun at Akira when he thought Akira wasn't adhering to their deal]
[. . . and he thinks about how hard Akechi has worked to not only save himself, but everyone here. he thinks about those feelings of sorrow he felt over Mammon dying. he thinks about how he reacted to Phoenix dying, too. he thinks about those feelings he was able to feel on Akechi's end of their empathy connection way back during their third week here, and how Akechi not-so-subtly hinted that he turned down Phoenix's request so he could return home with Akira to turn himself in, and. . .]
[and. . .]
Yeah.
I think he has.
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[his response is quiet, his expression softening alongside it]
. . . maybe. Maybe it is.
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...maybe it isn't the worst idea to talk to him about it just so you're both understanding everything right. But that's just what I think.
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The last time I tried to get him to talk about feelings we got into a fight and that's when I kissed him, so.
Iiiii don't know if talking about it is going to help.
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[Peach]
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[honesty Akira just. . . laughs in fond amusement and reaches out to flick one of her ears. gentle but playful!!]
Well. . . thanks. Maybe I'll try, when we're both a little less--
[waggles hands]
[feeling weird because of fight-kisses]
Though I don't even know how to begin breaching the subject with him.
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If you say so. [She hums to herself then.] Human emotions are very complex, even when you pretend not to have them. It's hard to be non-confrontational when the person you're talking to takes everything as a confrontation anyway.
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[in other words he is ALWAYS confrontational when trying to get feelings out of Akechi]
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[it's funny how her asking that question immediately takes the wind out of his sails]
I-- [hmmm. . .] He sort of hinted that he would?
[sort of??]
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Yeah. He--
[another pause. how does he put this?]
We were playing chess and talking about the terms of our deal. I told him I wanted to extend them to beyond this mansion, when we both make it home.
He said. . . "will what little is left your reputation survive if you decide to associate yourself with a convicted criminal?"
[which, to him, implied that Akechi intended to return home and turn himself in]
Did he tell you he planned on doing something else?
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Yeah, that sounds like Akechi. He thinks everyone pities him.
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