Of course we're not. [They're 5000+ year old furries, Mammon, plz.] We just have a lot of human guests that are invited by the Master.
[He can't see it but she's actually :3 because she takes pride in her work. Even if it's cooking bugs.] I guess I should be happy Pumpkin didn't really get into that kind of stuff, but sometimes she takes her games too seriously. You have a few siblings then?
[It's mostly idle chitchat because she's always curious about the guests, and it's better than weird silence while she works. Peach in general is...chatty. Oops.]
I don't think we really count as demons either. We're just...you know. Ourselves. [Whatever that means. The burger's sizzling away and she's flipping it in the pan before the oven opens again. A pan is set on the countertop out of Mammon's reach so he doesn't accidentally burn himself, and she's...going to work on the newt legs.]
That's a really big family. [She almost sounds kind of awed about that. Hate that she'll never know Mammon is a big fat liar.] You're really lucky that they admire you so much! Plum and Pumpkin don't always listen to me even though I'm the oldest. But then again it's only the three of us anyway. No other sisters.
[There's also some sort of spice that he can probably smell that she's using to flavor the burger. At least the cockroaches smell just right. There's a sound of plastic hitting something metal before that scent is right in front of his face.] Try this. If they're not roasted enough to your liking I can bake them a bit longer.
[There's a spatula in front of him with a bug. This is horrible.]
[That answers NOTHING. Oh, well. He's distracted by the scent of food - if he had a tail right now, he'd probably be wagging it.]
Oh, you have two sisters? You're the oldest? That's cool, I guess. That makes no sense that they don't listen to you, though...like, with age comes wisdom or somethin' like that?
[What the heck, Peach!! THE DISRESPECT. He sniffs the air, reaching up slowly to reach towards the big blur in front of his face, fingers gingerly touching the edge of the spatula before working themselves up, and...ah. There we go.]
[He pops it into his mouth and chews. I regret everything.]
...Oh, man! This is amazing! [HE'S REALLY HAPPY.] No, no, that's perfect!
[Someday Mammon will maybe see that Peach has kitty ears and a tail and the big honkin' bell around her neck. No matter, she's not interested in clarifying why she's not human because she's also still cooking. The new legs are being prepared and shoved in the broiler to dry out, and the burger's almost done.]
I don't know about that. We've met some older guests that've behaved pretty poorly during past events, too. [And also people who ruin the goddamn house!! She's about to comment but like. I, too, regret these bugs but Peach is just clapping.]
I'm so glad! These should last you for a little while, and with the newt legs you'll have plenty of snacks. [The cockroaches will go in a box when they cool a little.] Do you want anything specific on your burger, sir? It's just about finished.
Older guests? What do you do with them? Torture them?
[He says this casually because. Well. Torturing random people for doing bad things is a-okay in a demon's book.]
Aw, man, this is the best! It's just like home! [................quietly a part of him is missing home already but NO TIME TO BE SAD. IT'S TIME FOR NEWTS AND COCKROACHES.] And I guess just some cheese. I ain't picky!
Of course not! We try to treat all of our guests equally, but some are punished on their own anyway. [Shrug!] If you start a fight, you shouldn't be surprised if someone punches back. That's all.
[The burger's getting some cheese, the newt legs are drying out and baking, and the cockroaches are just a teeny bit alive. Give her a moment to plate the burger before she sets it on the counter (with a bun, just in case) next to Mammon.]
Ohh, yeah. Like those fights from earlier! Did ya see them! Oh man, they got what they deserved, but they were real entertaining!
[Mammon, Peach was one of said fights. You idiot. You blind idiot.]
[He pats along the counter towards the blur he thinks is the burger and finds it, humming as he moves to take it in hand.]
I'm from hell! [He says it so cheerfully.] Technically, the Devildom. There's a whole lotta layers of hell, but the Devildom's where I live with my brothers.
I might've heard a thing or two about them. [Now she sounds amused.] And I might've heard that some bets were placed.
[My dude? But the burger's in reach. Whenever he eats it, it'll be delicious.]
I don't think I've ever heard of the Devildom. [She hums in thought.] Is it just you guys that live there then? [The oven's opened and she's busy flipping the newt legs to cook on the other side before closing the door again.]
There's no point to a good fight if you can't make a little cash from the results. I see opportunity, I take it! It's how I am!
[Now give him a moment while he chows down on this burger. Mmmm mmm mm! Amazing! He wipes off his mouth with the back of his sleeve.]
Nah, a whole lotta other demons live in the Devildom with us. Some witches as well! But me and my brothers, we live in this place called the House of Lamentation. Used to be a haunted and super cursed human house, until Lord Diavolo took it over and let us live there. Its close to the school, too.
What about if it's your own fight? Can you bet on yourself? [That's a great question. Also she'll excuse your lack of table manners because demons aren't humans.]
Devildom's like a whole town then. [Tell her more.] Did Lord Diavolo make it less haunted and cursed?
Well, duh. Of course I'd bet on myself. You can totally do that.
[Is it illegal? ABSOLUTELY.]
Uh, why would we make it less haunted and cursed? I mean, I guess he got rid of most of the human stuff that would be in the way, but its perfectly fine the way it is.
[Listen they're about as smart as teenagers what do you want from them. Peach just watches Mammon react and doesn't seem all too bothered by it.]
Is it really that big of a deal? [She asks the Avatar of Greed...] We really don't mind most of the time. ["Most of the time" because /gestures to her sisters.]
[don't mind him he's kind of mentally screaming over here]
Go to your stupid boss and just. Shake him. Stab him. Hold him over a fire and make him boil until he cries bloody murder. I don't care. And then tell him to give you what you deserve! Which is money and gold and whatever you use to pay for stuff! Jewels! Whatever!! Dammit!
[mammon really saying Eat The Rich except its because he supports everyone being rich?? somehow works.]
[What are morals? The guy wanted to torture murder suspects in a murder mystery, he is a DEMON and LOVING IT]
What do you MEAN- [SHE?? DOESN'T HAVE A NEED??????????] Do you even hear yourself right now? You TOTALLY need that stuff! Imagine all the cool things you could buy!
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[He can't see it but she's actually :3 because she takes pride in her work. Even if it's cooking bugs.] I guess I should be happy Pumpkin didn't really get into that kind of stuff, but sometimes she takes her games too seriously. You have a few siblings then?
[It's mostly idle chitchat because she's always curious about the guests, and it's better than weird silence while she works. Peach in general is...chatty. Oops.]
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[He sounds doubtful. He thinks he ought to know whether there's other demons just hanging out and about in this weird mansion.]
Oh, yeah, I do! Six brothers. I'm the second oldest of the bunch! They all look up to me...well, except Lucifer. He's the oldest.
[This is a lie. No one looks up to Mammon.]
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That's a really big family. [She almost sounds kind of awed about that. Hate that she'll never know Mammon is a big fat liar.] You're really lucky that they admire you so much! Plum and Pumpkin don't always listen to me even though I'm the oldest. But then again it's only the three of us anyway. No other sisters.
[There's also some sort of spice that he can probably smell that she's using to flavor the burger. At least the cockroaches smell just right. There's a sound of plastic hitting something metal before that scent is right in front of his face.] Try this. If they're not roasted enough to your liking I can bake them a bit longer.
[There's a spatula in front of him with a bug. This is horrible.]
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[That answers NOTHING. Oh, well. He's distracted by the scent of food - if he had a tail right now, he'd probably be wagging it.]
Oh, you have two sisters? You're the oldest? That's cool, I guess. That makes no sense that they don't listen to you, though...like, with age comes wisdom or somethin' like that?
[What the heck, Peach!! THE DISRESPECT. He sniffs the air, reaching up slowly to reach towards the big blur in front of his face, fingers gingerly touching the edge of the spatula before working themselves up, and...ah. There we go.]
[He pops it into his mouth and chews. I regret everything.]
...Oh, man! This is amazing! [HE'S REALLY HAPPY.] No, no, that's perfect!
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I don't know about that. We've met some older guests that've behaved pretty poorly during past events, too. [And also people who ruin the goddamn house!! She's about to comment but like. I, too, regret these bugs but Peach is just clapping.]
I'm so glad! These should last you for a little while, and with the newt legs you'll have plenty of snacks. [The cockroaches will go in a box when they cool a little.] Do you want anything specific on your burger, sir? It's just about finished.
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[He says this casually because. Well. Torturing random people for doing bad things is a-okay in a demon's book.]
Aw, man, this is the best! It's just like home! [................quietly a part of him is missing home already but NO TIME TO BE SAD. IT'S TIME FOR NEWTS AND COCKROACHES.] And I guess just some cheese. I ain't picky!
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[The burger's getting some cheese, the newt legs are drying out and baking, and the cockroaches are just a teeny bit alive. Give her a moment to plate the burger before she sets it on the counter (with a bun, just in case) next to Mammon.]
Where are you even from anyway?
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[Mammon, Peach was one of said fights. You idiot. You blind idiot.]
[He pats along the counter towards the blur he thinks is the burger and finds it, humming as he moves to take it in hand.]
I'm from hell! [He says it so cheerfully.] Technically, the Devildom. There's a whole lotta layers of hell, but the Devildom's where I live with my brothers.
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[My dude? But the burger's in reach. Whenever he eats it, it'll be delicious.]
I don't think I've ever heard of the Devildom. [She hums in thought.] Is it just you guys that live there then? [The oven's opened and she's busy flipping the newt legs to cook on the other side before closing the door again.]
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[Now give him a moment while he chows down on this burger. Mmmm mmm mm! Amazing! He wipes off his mouth with the back of his sleeve.]
Nah, a whole lotta other demons live in the Devildom with us. Some witches as well! But me and my brothers, we live in this place called the House of Lamentation. Used to be a haunted and super cursed human house, until Lord Diavolo took it over and let us live there. Its close to the school, too.
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Devildom's like a whole town then. [Tell her more.] Did Lord Diavolo make it less haunted and cursed?
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[Is it illegal? ABSOLUTELY.]
Uh, why would we make it less haunted and cursed? I mean, I guess he got rid of most of the human stuff that would be in the way, but its perfectly fine the way it is.
[it's the Aesthetic]
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[Don't teach her these bad habits, that's rude.]
Some people are scared of haunted things! Demons are allowed to have different tastes, aren't they?
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[No, you're not.]
Oh? You wanna get in on the betting, too? I totally recommend it.
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I don't have anything to bet though! And you guys keep taking our silverware so that doesn't really count...what would you recommend?
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[Don't encourage him.]
[And oh boy. Don't ask him that. He smiles very wide.]
Do you have cash? Or better yet, gold?
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[And Mammon just.]
[Drops his burger to his plate. He is THAT stunned.]
What the CRAP is that? That's not pay? What kind of idiot are you workin' for? YOU'RE PRACTICALLY DOING THIS FOR FREE, YOU FOOL!
[NOBODY DOES ANYTHING FOR FREE, THAT'S ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!!!!]
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Is it really that big of a deal? [She asks the Avatar of Greed...] We really don't mind most of the time. ["Most of the time" because /gestures to her sisters.]
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[don't mind him he's kind of mentally screaming over here]
Go to your stupid boss and just. Shake him. Stab him. Hold him over a fire and make him boil until he cries bloody murder. I don't care. And then tell him to give you what you deserve! Which is money and gold and whatever you use to pay for stuff! Jewels! Whatever!! Dammit!
[mammon really saying Eat The Rich except its because he supports everyone being rich?? somehow works.]
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Do you usually stab your employers, sir? [Do not.] We don't really have a need for jewels or stuff like that anyway.
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[What are morals? The guy wanted to torture murder suspects in a murder mystery, he is a DEMON and LOVING IT]
What do you MEAN- [SHE?? DOESN'T HAVE A NEED??????????] Do you even hear yourself right now? You TOTALLY need that stuff! Imagine all the cool things you could buy!
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Okay so what's the coolest thing you've ever bought?